Things I learned from Law & Order Criminal Intent

It is with sad feelings I post this entry. The news today is that Vincent D'Onofrio, Kathryn Erbe and Eric Bogosian are all leaving Criminal Intent - not sure of the details. I feel like I am losing good friends. At least I know I'm not alone feeling this way.

This list was compiled by my friend Susan.
She sent this to me quite awhile ago and is allowing me to share it publicly! You will find the last entry particularly poignant today.....

Go right ahead and add things you've learned in the comments section if you wish!

Thanks Susan!


Things I Learned From LOCI

Bad guys do what good guys dream.

Schizophrenics tend to paint eyes and bi-polars paint fruit in wild colors.

Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.

Hope is for suckers!

When people aren't allowed to do what they do best, it makes them insane.

Chocolate frosting and white glue can look like filler for cracks in the bottom of a boat.

Revenge is all-consuming.

Partners who have complementary skills win!

People who have been institutionalized for long periods of time have a tendency to line up their peas and corn or collect small found objects to feel some sense of control.

The absentee father causes all sorts of problems!

Being frugal means no cleaning lady, no dates, no new suits, & no hobbies - except reading the laws of NY state which is free.

Lapsed altar boys have a lack of respect for authority and an obsession with bad behavior.

A detective's most important investigative tool is his/her library card.

The longest and therefore the best cigarette butts are found at subway entrances.

Compassion for a perp can get a detective in trouble with the ADA.

Some short men like petite women because they are a snug fit.

Institutionalized orphans can become imposters with delusions of grandeur.

Problems are just solutions in work clothes.

A car will stall after being driven for a half hour if there is a ping pong ball in the gas tank.

If a suspect's model boat has lint on it, check the dryer for clues.

Video game programmers often program signature moves into their games.

Doctors and nurses don't always heal - some maim, torture, cause the death of, or actually kill their spouses, patients, ex-girlfriends, and even their ex-husband's favorite disc jockey.

An ophthalmologists light scope can mimic dry lightning.

Botox is a poison originally experimented with by the Nazis during WWII to be used for germ warfare.

Frank Sinatra cut an album with Pearl Bailey in the 1960's.

Men who kill their wives usually only kill their kids if there is no one else to take care of them.

How the carpet has been vacuumed at the crime scene can detect the difference between suicide and murder. Take pictures!

Pay attention during blood spatter class. Many perps will try to fool a detective by not applying blood spatter forensically.

If you commit one sin, the next ones come a little easier.

Red ears are a "tell" for lying (according to Frances Goren)

If you want to find out if a suspect will faint at the sight of blood, cut your hand with your pocket knife, squeeze the blood out, and watch his reaction. If he hyperventilates and pressure builds up on his vagus nerve, he'll faint. Chances are pretty good he didn't stab the victim.

A straight guy who only gets aroused by wearing women's clothes, usually is also a masochist.

Never commit anything to paper.

Always check the garbage for clues. Even if there isn't any in the trashcan, take a whiff - the odors might give you some clues.


People often touch things to boost their confidence, especially when they are trying to remember something - like a lie.

The smell of Italian leather is intoxicating.

Don't bite your nails.

A little danger keeps you on your toes.

Academics are all talk and no action.

Sometimes a whale is just a whale.

Square vases are used by Soho florists - "uh huh"

Bastille Day is a holiday that is tough on relationships.

Mailing yourself information you want to copyright is called the "poor man’s copyright".

Antipsychotic drugs and antihistamines are contraindicated and can cause death if taken together.

If you take diuretics, you should supplement with potassium or you could become dehydrated.

When Bobby tells you to "Sit down and shut up", you'd better do it - according to Eames. (I know I would!)

Men taking care of their own children are not babysitting! It‘s called being a Dad!

Ezra Pound wrote "Civilization - an old bitch gone in the teeth".

PNN is where BG & AE get their news.

Hesitation before pronouncing words that begin with the letter "s" is the mark of a former stutterer.

In Moby Dick, Ahab's obsession is characterized by his dogged, unrelenting pursuit of evil.

A passive aggressive person does not confront, argue, or contradict his/her spouse.

Gula Gula Island is not off the coast of North Carolina. It is a fictional island from a children's television show.


Dry ice leaves a residue on leather when it evaporates. Liquid nitrogen does not leave a residue and you only need one drop of it to disintegrate a bicycle lock.

If you suspect a victim has been poisoned via his/her oxygen tank, check the valve of the tank for petroleum jelly which can hold toxins that can be inhaled through the breathing tube.

Facial tics are usually developed in early childhood and are sometimes considered disarming.

Butalbital, a prescription medication for headaches, can cause your hands to sweat.

Jail is where all the famous people are these days.

An inflated balloon, loaded with lye and placed in a box with a top that is rigged with a pin:
a. is not a nice gift.
b. will pass through any bomb screening machine
c. only affects the person who opens it

A goat that "walks as a man walks" and talks represents the devil.

If a horse is bleeding from the nostrils, it has been overworked and possibly doped up. Check for injection sites near the hooves.

Quick release knots are very quick.

A micro frown is a “tell” for lying.

It is illegal to sell items out of your trunk on someone else's property without a peddler's license.

If one has handled heroin within the last 3 weeks and the heroin seeps into the bloodstream through any cuts in one's hands, it will show up positive on a tox screen.

Once a murderer, always a murderer.

"Cat's Whiskers" is a diuretic with a distinctive taste. If you suspect someone has been given this diuretic without his/her knowledge, check his/her sports drink.
Never underestimate the power of a guilty conscience.


Copier maintenance workers who wear clip-on ties do so in case the tie gets caught in the copier.

If someone is wearing a live bomb, he/she probably won't hop down a staircase.

Ammonia and calcium carbonate are used to make silver cellulite - a primary explosive.

If someone sketches blank faces or cloudy landscapes, he/she is probably depressed and feeling numb.

Revenge is best served cold.

A sleepwalker with a gun is a perfect fall guy.

Vengeance gets you a mouthful of ashes.

You can repress the memory of childhood abuse all you want, but it always finds a way to express itself.

A man who marries a model is not looking for his soul mate. (Siren Call - spoken by Ross)

Idiots from the City are called "Citiots".

If you poison a food critic, you can kiss your restaurant goodbye.

A world of justice without mercy is no place to live.

Homicides are often irrational.

Venice is a very romantic city.

To reach Detective Goren, call 212-555-0146.

Titadine is a type of dynamite.

Computer software used to process and send video has a signature on the video itself.

When Moroccans speak English, they sound French.

Foxglove, rhododendron, and roses are the flowers of Ireland.

The most important thing I have learned from CI is Patience....waiting for new Goren/Eames episodes.